HODGEPODGE BLOG

“Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” is a very old saying one that  in the  modern world of technology is often neglected  in our relationships. We have almost reached a point where we feel it less stressful to interact more  through  our computers than with real relationships. The constant need for instantaneous responses  to our querries  and demands  means that we are slowly  loosing the experience to successfully  interact  with the ones we love.

After a hard  day at work or when you have finished caring for the children the best reward you are able to  give to the one  you love is to listen, that is  correct I did write listen! Get time for both of you to enjoy   a few moments   “us’ time, try starting  with something  uncomplicated  such as  “What was the best thing about your day?” it will give  your partner the chance  to open up about their day, as opposed to the common “how was your day?” to which the answer can  be a single word – “Good”. In order that you can be  an attentive listener you should  ask open  questions that are unable to  be answered with a one word. Takes practice but the benefits  to your relationship are wonderful. 

If you are going through these problems then as a follow-on from this page  take a look at ” Charging the Human Battery ”for further suggestions .

Try to  be above all a listener, that shows you respect your partner opinions, remember that 90%  of communication connecting you is unspoken , in other words body language, your partner will quickly realise that you are not really listening to what they are saying. This will help to destroy  your relationship given time eventually  reaching at the point  when they tell you  “you never listen to what I have to say……”, or even  worse “you only listen when you want something…………..”

Do not  interrupt them or try to finish their sentences for them, give them time, it is a little known  fact that we can process words at a much faster rate than we can speak them, so just listen, be interested in what they say, put them first .

It is not important if your relationship is just starting or  well established~ long standing}  the needs are the same to keep it together  is to listen to whatever your partner has to say about the things that are important to them, then make a reply only when you have finished listening  and understood what they said. Sounds very deep I know, but if make assumptions that you know  what they mean without listening properly and give an incorrect response then follow it with the worst put down – ‘I thought that’s what you meant……….”, will get you into a lot of trouble. Neglect things now and you may well end up asking What’s the secret to a successful marriage?

Listening is such a small thing to give your partner, but over a long period of time I have found that one of the commonest  relationship issues  is frequently signaled, in  a relationship advice session, when one or other of them says “She/he never listens to a thing I say………………”, which almost invariably  means  that whenever  they talk to each other  they do not give themslves time to listen, you know the “two ears, two eyes & one mouth” thing, means speak once listen and look twice .

Whatever age we are we all of us of us need  to know that the other wants to hear  what we have to say and show us the respect we crave  by listening, it can about any subject  like, their opinion on the latest film/game/book/TV show/what happened in their day ……..the list can be endless and it is frequently  trivial stuff but they want  to share it with YOU, all you have to do is to LISTEN.

Keep you love for each other strong by talking daily  and above all LISTENING to what the other has to say, Successful communication means  a successful relationship – got it? For more advice see inside the book. Charging the Human Battery